I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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