Don't make out with my wife yet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
