After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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