I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
