i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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