i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize