Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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