I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
