The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
