You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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