I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
