I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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