I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I deserve this hangover.
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