What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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