apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize