I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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