I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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