woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
