About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
