I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
