you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
pray to the hookup gods
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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