The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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