just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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