He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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