she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He has the fingertips of a God
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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