Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
