just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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