If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
