i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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