It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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