They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
