I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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