omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
