Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
