you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
