So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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