im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
