The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
