worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
