How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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