I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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