Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
