I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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