I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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