i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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