I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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