Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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