Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize