I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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