You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
