Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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