So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
