So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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