This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize