Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
