Don't make out with my wife yet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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