I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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