I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
