grandma shit on top of the toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
