I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vodka?
Forever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
