YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
