Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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