dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize