nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
