Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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