So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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