Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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