i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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