That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
