It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
