Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
