the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
