I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
