hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
