So drunk its hurt
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
