laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Couch. On fire.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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