By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize