bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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