I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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