matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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