The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
