He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize