So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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