dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
