What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
