Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
