she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
