First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
