This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
