My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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