Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
