She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
