just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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