i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
