Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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