The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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