Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
